When did you think last?

In all seriousness here, I’m freaking out. Here I am, a month and half away from home, and I just barely realized I’m in college. I’m an adult (kinda). I can stay up as late as I want. I can eat, study, even go to class whenever, if I want to. And you know what? Being the rebel that I am, I’m not doing any of the shit in my high school vow, a vow to slack off when I get to college. Believe it or not, I’m going to bed at a reasonably hour, I’m eating healthier than I ever have, and I haven’t missed a class yet. What the hell has happened to me!?

I’ll tell you. I’ve grown up (a little). I’ve learned there are more important things in life than stuffing your face with cheetos and killing your thousandth peep in Counterstrike. Believe it or not, life does not revolve around games and slacking off. I know, it may be hard to come to terms with, but this is something that I truly understood and realized just last week, while I was trying to figure out what classes I want to take next term. At the time, I was seriously stressed out, because how the hell do I know what I want to do? Then, it hit me: if I don’t know what I want to do, no one does. I have to take control of my destiny, the course of my life, because no one else out there is going to do it for me. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure most of you knew this already, but shut up. This is my revelation, not yours.

What am I going to do for the rest of my life?  Accomplish something, but hate it, or should I take an easy job and get paid crap?  I honestly don’t know at this point, but hopefully I’ll figure it out eventually.

As to my post title, it refers to what a wise old hippie once told me in a (probably) drug-induced haze: “Kid, don’t listen to your parents, your friends, the media, the government, or anyone else around you.  Listen to yourself, think for yourself.”

That last part has really affected me.  Sure, we’ve all thought before, figured out a problem in school, wondered what to do when we’re bored, thinking about a puzzle in Zelda, but have any of you truly thought before, thought hard?  Pondered what the meaning of our life is, what to make of it, and what to do with it?  Where do we go from here?  I guess this is the draw to philosophy, but I don’t think thats it for me.  I guess thats what that hippie meant, finding the answer for yourself.

As I thought about this, listening to The Postal service, I came to terms with the fact that I really, really don’t know what I want to do. I hate challenges, science and math, so anything to do with that is out of the question, I cannot draw/play/sing worth crap, so the arts really aren’t the answer. Then it hit me: There is nothing I like that I could make money off of. Nothing. Not a thing.  Right now I’m leaning towards the path of taking a boring office job and filling out TPS reports the rest of my life, and doing what I love best in my spare time.

I wonder where that hippie is today.  Probably working at an office somewhere.

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