New Beginning

I’m prone to change. What has always confused me about most people is that they are afraid of change, change is something to be feared, mistrusted, and avoided. I suppose this is what conservatives thrive on, and why their party is so popular. Not for me, though. I embrace change, relish it even. And with that, I am changing the course of this blog. I’m tired of trying (failingly) to imitate so many other bloggers, the angry assholes that they are, and I’m sick of it. Instead, I will strike off on my own direction, giving updates on the movies, books, and games I am watching/reading/playing. Moreover, this blog will be more personal to me, as I will (most likely) be making more posts about the shit I like, instead of that other stuff. Also, since I’ll mostly be talking about the stuff I like, I won’t be pissed off nearly as much. Just a thought.

Donnie Darko sucks major Ass

I hate this movie. I really didn’t like it before, before I knew very many people that did like it, but seeing the mass praise this crapturd of cinema gets is disgusting to me. This shitty movie with shitty acting has an even shittier plot, as for which I will not be saying it has. Instead, I will refer to it as “lettuce”, because that is about how smart the writer must have been when he hammered out this…this…piece. As for the plot, well, there isn’t one! Its merely a string of random events, all that have something to due with a dumb jackhole in a bunny suit. Am I watching Furry porn all of a sudden?  Okay, let me describe this to you:

The movie stars this young douche bag named Jake Gyllenhaal. He does nothing throughout the movie except look older than his character and have this half-retarded smirk on his moronic face. I wanted to punch the dumbass as soon as he came on screen, and by the end of the movie my hand was bloody raw. He’s a shitty actor, same as everyone else in the movie. Okay, enough about that bad acting.

The plot equally sucks. Again, as stated above, there isn’t so much a plot as there is an elephants pile of nothingness. Nothing gets resolved! In the end, the gay dude in the bunny suit even gets run over and killed by fugly Jake. Does it make any difference? No! This stupid movie then just keeps going on and on, adding more threads to already shambling mess.

Even thought I hate this term almost as much as this movie, this movie is emo. And I mean that in the worst possible way. There’s nothing to life, that you should die? Yeah, great message. If only all the emo fucks that see this will take that advice to heart. Then my cold and bitter heart won’t hate humanity quite as much.

Oh, and BTW, shut up with the “you have to go to the website” bullshit. Any movie that forces me to play some stupid mini game on a crappily designed website is a piece of shit. Seriously.

I’m tired of complaining about this movie.  Leave me alone now.

Tales of a Freshman based nothing

Yes, ’tis I. Your humble narrator, on an adventurous tour into the unknown, a literal torrential rain or the unknown will wash upon you. But do not fear, so I am with you. So let us Embark! Unto and into itself, a journey, through the fabric of my mind.

Sorry.

Okay, back on track, here I am. Back in School. But not just any school! A real, honest to god, brick and mortar University. How I made it in here is clearly beyond me, but while I am I plan on fully whoring their internet connection. Ha! Now see how you like it! It is, by the way, REALLY FREAKIN FAST. Freakin. Yeah, you heard right. My lag times in games is now in the single digits, and pr0n loads up faster than ever! Life is good.

Speaking of pr0n- I mean, life, college life isn’t nearly as bad as some people (you know who you are) made it out to be. Sure, there’s homework, but if you just hit yourself over the head a few times (like I do every so often) it becomes real easy to forget things.

Whatever. If you’ve stuck around long enough through my inane ramblings, I actually have a something to say, and here it is: George Carlin is the greatest comedian ever. Richard Pryor may be second, but Carlin is GOD to me. His nihilistic views, his snarky comments, his brilliant observances of the english language, his understandedness of how fucked up Western Civilization is, all of these (plus more!) make him one of the funniest people alive.  Seriously, check out any of his recordings and go to any of his public appearances, because he’s getting up there, and comedians have a nasty habit of dying before they should.

And that, as they say, is that.

On updating this thing, and Packing

Sorry, its been a while.

Yeah, usually my posts are funny.  And if they’re not, go away.

I am moving in two days.  I have never moved before in my life.  This is a completely fresh, new experience for me, and I don’t want to spoil it.  Thus, I haven’t packed yet.  And yes, I am panicking.

What do I take?  Everything?  Since I’m starting anew, should I just throw away all my shit and buy more shit I don’t need?  Keep my shit, bring it with me, throw it away there, buy more shit, and throw that away?  I guess I could just take the stuff I actually want and will use.  So many choices.  I genuinely don’t know which one to pick.

The last few months of my life have been a very strange experience.  The Summer started with a radical, rightous BANG, which was the grad party.  Several of my (closer) friends went, we drank too much, partied, danced to lame ska, and generally had a grand time.  The next morning only one of us was feeling hungover, which surprised all of us greatly.

The next month, June, passed uneventfully.  Well, I did find a job (yay for the shitty gas station down the road!) and I did buy my first next gen console: an Xbox 360.  It was fun for a little while, even if I do feel as though I should have waited until this fall.  The entire month of June nothing really happened.  I didn’t hang out with friends, which may surprise some people, but if you know me, you shouldn’t be in any way.

In fact, the rest of the summer proceeded as such.  Should I feel as though I wasted it?  I worked full time, made tons of money, beat plenty of games, and I feel satisfied.  In fact, the only part of me that doesn’t is the part of me telling me I shouldn’t be satisfied!  Can you believe that?

So anyway, I may feel a little melancholic here in case you couldn’t tell.  I’m off to listen to some more Sufjan Stevens.  And pack.

Okay, so I bought a Playstation 3.

Hate me if you must, but I have done it. The big one, the ginormous kahuna, the blitz and potatoes. I have committed console seppekku, and boy, I tell you, its sweet.

Or not. I have run into a few hiccups (like when I looked at my bank statement afterwards. ZING) such as a poor game choice and precious little to do with the thing, but it looks nice on my monitor, and thats all that matters, right?

Now, onto my subject. Here, I am going to complain about games everyone likes. Like Resistance. Ever heard of it? Made by the guys who did Ratchet and Clank? Alternate history backstory, something to do with the Chimera, or whatever generic name they’re called? Yeah, its not that good. I mean, nothing in it is necessarily *bad*, its just the whole thing is straight B-list. Sheesh, I could hardly take it. To the cliched enemy design, levels, graphics, and mediochre AI, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d played it before. Even the very facet the Insomniac crew were pimping, a feature they said would make Resistance different, isn’t even that good. I’m talking about the guns.

Ah yes, guns.  Unholy weapons of sheer brutality, killing, maiming, and, oh to hell with it, fun.  Whats more family friendly than guns?  Maybe gore.  Or sex.  Lots and lots of sex.  Mmmm.  Anyway…

The guns in this game are unique, to start off positive.  The whole rest of this paragraph is going to be negative though, so tough shit.  The guns are different, but almost too different.  There were points where I wasn’t sure of which gun to use, so I just used the reliable OLD shotgun.  You know, the one and the same thats been in every single shooter up till now.  Theres never really any need to use any of the specialized weapons.  I made it through the entire 2/3 of the game with the standard assault rifle, alien assault rifle and the shotgun.  I dunno, maybe it was just me (Oh wow!  I had other weapons!?  DURR) but I don’t think I’m quite that unintelligent.  Just the simple fact of the matter remains: the FPS staples are just as good if not better than the “wacky” guns.  Gun that shoots through walls?  Uhh…I can’t really aim with it, so… Just stuff like that.  I honestly found it easier to run and gun with the boring blasters.

The grenades are cool.  I throw them.  Shit ’splodes.  Things die.  S’all good.   Nothing to write home about, though.

Story.  HAHAHA.  Crap.  Alternate history.  Right.  Should have just called it Call of Duty: When Aliens Attack.  It *really* feels like that.  Oh, and add in the fact that you’re turning into an alien.  Fancy that.  *yawn*

Vehicles?  Pathetic.  Oh, not that the actual driving and using of them is any bad, its just you’re in one for about three fucking minutes.  And I am not joking with you there.

What else…multiplayer?  Ever played quake?  You’ve played resistance multiplayer.  Seriously, on another rant, what is with FPS Multiplayer?  Why is the only one I could give two shits about Battlefield and UT?  Everything else is just another quake clone, SEE Resistance.  Do something different!  At least Warhawk is trying!

That is all.  Peace.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Fuckers. See if I care!

Back. Sorry. Or not.

Can you smell it?  That awful, horrible stench of decay, suffering, and maybe a little sewage?  Yes, I’m back.  Miss me?

Whatever, I don’t care.  I wasn’t writing anything because, well, I got the feeling of being unloved.  Just like being loved, just not warm or fuzzy.  Cold and wet is more like it.  Of course, that may have been something to do with the wet towel I’ve been sitting on for the past four months.  Don’t ask why its wet.  Or I didn’t update because I forgot.  Either or.  You decide.

Who cares, as it is all in the past.  First of all, I want to truly dedicate myself here and state that I, Evyn, on my honor, hereby vow to update not randomly, not whenever-the-hell I feel like it, not whenever, but periodically.  Please, I’ve lied, stolen, cheated, and lied before to you, my loyal fan (I love you mom!), but I mean it this time, damnit! Please don’t leave me…I don’t know what I’ll do all alone…oh wait, yes, I do.  I’d do exactly what I’m doing right now.  Want to guess why?  Guess.

This post really isn’t about anything (or maybe it is!  I’m sneaky that way), I’m just here to inform all of you that I am going to post here every day on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Check me out after Penny Arcade, k?  Kk.

Deviantart is amazing.

No other place can I find pictures such as this. Yay! Or this.

Seriously though, thats fucked up. Seriously, seriously fucked up.  And we can all thank Deviantart for this, for letting these freaks out of their pens or something that they’re holed up in.  Who are these people, anyway?  What caused this sudden surge in…in….people.  I have a theory that they always existed, but thanks to the intartubes and its disguising qualities, all the freaks in hiding (otherkin, furries, you name it) suddenly are able to truly come out and communicate with other freaks of nature.  So what do we do?  We kill the interwebs.  Kill it all.  No more Myspace!  No more Google!  No more bittorrent!  No more…pr0n?  Shit…

Offensive Political Commentary kicks ass!

I am so happy. I just got my first hate mail the other day! Now I’m just one step away from becoming the next Maddox! If only I was as strong, smart, handsome, witty, charming, as he is….sigh. Anyway, the hate mail included the following “You are a truly disturbing man, and I hope you know you are going to hell for your disturbing and offensive political commentary.” Hooray! Hell rules! Wait, no it doesn’t…I’m already in it. Its called Utah.

Anyway, since I one of the big leaguers now, I think I can get away with bossing people around and generally being a total dick to person(s) I do not know. Hey, FUB!* Get out of my way! Jerkwad! I don’t like your mullet! Cut it!

Sweet. I think I could get used to this.

*FUB = Fat Ugly Bitch

Futurama is one of the Greatest Shows of All Time

Why was it canceled? Was is the massive surge in the ratings it go in the later years? Was is the amount of praise heaped upon it during its entire run? Was it the ah hell, nobody is listening to me. Which is fine with me! Then I can say whatever I want!

But in all seriousness, it was none of those. Because none of them existed. Nobody noticed Futurama when it came onto the scene and nobody noticed its sad limp off into TV limbo. I suppose I am the only person still mourning it, but it still pisses me off that.  We need to ban together to get this brilliant piece of television back on screen!  Please people, rally!